Scripture Reading: 1Corinthians 13:1-8

INTRODUCTION

“TRUE POLITENESS, TRUE COURTESY, IS A KINDNESS SHOWN TO ALL, HIGH OR LOW, RICH OR POOR.” {AH 423}

TRUE COURTESY

The Bible enjoins courtesy, and it presents many illustrations of the unselfish spirit, the gentle grace, the winsome temper, that characterize true politeness. These are but reflections of the character of Christ. All the real tenderness and courtesy in the world, even among those who do not acknowledge His name, is from Him. And He desires these characteristics to be perfectly reflected in His children. It is His purpose that in us men shall behold His beauty. {ML 191.4}

REVEALING CHRIST’S SPIRIT

None but a wholehearted Christian can be a perfect gentleman; but if Christ is abiding in the soul His spirit will be revealed in the manner, the words, and the actions. Gentleness and love cherished in the heart will appear in self-denial, in true courtesy. TM. 264.

OUR DUTY TO EVERY MAN

The Lord Jesus demands our acknowledgment of the rights of every man. Men’s social rights, and their rights as Christians, are to be taken into consideration. All are to be treated with refinement and delicacy, as the sons and daughters of God. {MH 489.3}
Christianity will make a man a gentleman. Christ was courteous, even to His persecutors; and His true followers will manifest the same spirit. Look at Paul when brought before rulers. His speech before Agrippa is an illustration of true courtesy as well as persuasive eloquence. The gospel does not encourage the formal politeness current with the world, but the courtesy that springs from real kindness of heart. {MH 489.4}

The most careful cultivation of the outward proprieties of life is not sufficient to shut out all fretfulness, harsh judgment, and unbecoming speech. True refinement will never be revealed so long as self is considered as the supreme object. Love must dwell in the heart. A thoroughgoing Christian draws his motives of action from his deep heart love for his Master. Up through the roots of his affection for Christ springs an unselfish interest in his brethren. Love imparts to its possessor grace, propriety, and comeliness of deportment. It illuminates the countenance and subdues the voice; it refines and elevates the whole being. {MH 490.1}

A CLEAR DISTINCTION

You have noticed in these quotations that there are two types of courtesy which may have the appearance of being the same. Actually there is a broad distinction between them. The one is a politeness that is external only. The other is a courtesy that stems naturally from a high regard for others. Both observe the generally recognized rules of acceptable behavior in every situation but the reasons for the observance differ.

Being Christians does not excuse us from learning the proper thing to do in each social circumstance; it increases our responsibility. True courtesy must reach everywhere—into the home, the school, our work or business, our recreation, the church, every social contact or activity, our participation in evangelism. It must become a consistent pattern of action—a Christian trait.

THREE EXAMPLES

BIBLE ILLUSTRATIONS OF TRUE COURTESY ARE FREQUENT. THEY ARE INCLUDE AS GUIDANCE FOR US.

EXAMPLE OF JESUS

The golden rule is the principle of true courtesy, and its truest illustration is seen in the life and character of Jesus… {MB 135.1}

PAUL’S EXAMPLE

Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous. 1 Peter 3:8 {ML 193.1}
The great apostle Paul was firm where duty and principle were at stake; he preached Christ with great boldness; but he was never harsh and impolite. He had a tender heart, and was ever kind and thoughtful of others. Courtesy was a marked trait of his character, and this gave him access to the better class of society. . . . {ML 193.2}
He was zealous for the truth, bold in advocating Christ; but propriety of deportment, the grace of true politeness, marked all his conduct. . . . {ML 193.3}
Paul attracted warm hearts wherever he went; his soul was linked to the soul of his brethren. {ML 193.4}

ABRAHAM’S EXAMPLE

His own example, the silent influence of his daily life, was a constant lesson. The unswerving integrity, the benevolence and unselfish courtesy, which had won the admiration of kings, were displayed in the home… In his household there was not one law for the master and another for the servant; …All were treated with justice and compassion,… {PP 142.2}

CHARACTERISTICS OF COURTESY

THE FOLLOWING QUOTATIONS DO NOT SPEAK ONLY OF THE CHARACTERISTICS OF COURTESY, BUT SCATTERED THROUGH THEM YOU WILL FIND MANY QUALITIES, ATTITUDES, AND ACTIONS MENTIONED AS BEING PART AS TRUE COURTESY.

THE ESSENCE OF COURTESY

There is great need of the cultivation of true refinement in the home. This is a powerful witness in favor of the truth. In whomsoever they may appear, vulgarity of language and of demeanor indicate a vitiated heart. Truth of heavenly origin never degrades the receiver, never makes him coarse or rough. Truth is softening and refining in its influence. When received into the heart, it makes the youth respectful and polite. Christian politeness is received only under the working of the Holy Spirit. It does not consist in affection or artificial polish, in bowing and simpering. This is the class of politeness possessed by those of the world, but they are destitute of true Christian politeness. True polish, true politeness, is obtained only from a practical knowledge of the gospel of Christ. True politeness, true courtesy, is a kindness shown to all, high or low, rich or poor. {AH 422.4}

The essence of true politeness is consideration for others. The essential, enduring education is that which broadens the sympathies and encourages universal kindliness. That so-called culture which does not make a youth deferential toward his parents, appreciative of their excellences, forbearing toward their defects, and helpful to their necessities; which does not make him considerate and tender, generous and helpful toward the young, the old, and the unfortunate, and courteous toward all is a failure. {AH 423.1}
Christian courtesy is the golden clasp which unites the members of the family in bonds of love, becoming closer and stronger every day. {AH 423.2}

UNIFORM COURTESY
…The cultivation of a uniform courtesy, a willingness to do to others as we would wish them to do to us, would annihilate half the ills of life. {PP 132.3}
AVOID ABRUPTNESS
All coarseness and roughness must be put away from us. Courtesy, refinement, Christian politeness, must be cherished. Guard against being abrupt and blunt. Do not regard such peculiarities as virtues; for God does not so regard them. Endeavor not to offend any unnecessarily.–Review and Herald, Nov. 25, 1890. {Ev 636.4}

All coarseness and roughness must be put away from us. Courtesy, refinement, Christian politeness, must be cherished. Guard against being abrupt and blunt. Do not regard such peculiarities as virtues; for God does not so regard them. Endeavor not to offend any unnecessarily.–Review and Herald, Nov. 25, 1890. {Ev 636.4}

NO THOUGHTLESSNESS

…A lack of courtesy, a moment of petulance, a single rough, thoughtless word, will mar your reputation and may close the door to hearts so that you can never reach them. {5T 335}

COURTESY & CHARACTER

TRUE COURTESY IS AN OUTSTANDING TRAIT OF CHRISTIAN CHARACTER. AS WITH OTHER TRAITS WE CAN NEVER FEEL THAT WE HAVE FULLY ACHIEVED. COURTESY MUST BE KEPT ALIVE AND IMPROVE EVERY DAY. THERE IS ALWAYS OPPORTUNITY TO EXPAND AND DEVELOP THIS TRAIT THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO US INDIVIDUALLY AND TO EVERY PERSON WE MEET.

HABITS & CHARACTER

Habits, often repeated, make character. Children who allow themselves to speak rudely to one another, and to be impolite at home, are forming habits that will cling to them in after life, and that will be most difficult to overcome. They do not show that they fear the Lord. They do not manifest refinement of character; their disposition becomes coarse, lacking in civility and that which constitutes refinement of manners; and all this casts a reflection upon the home training. {SD 113.2}

COURTESY AND SELF-DENIAL

…The man who is kind and courteous in the daily life, who is generous and forbearing in his family, whose constant aim it is to make home happy, will be the first to deny self and make sacrifices when the Master calls. {MYP 143.3}

LOVE AND COURTESY

From every Christian home a holy light should shine forth. Love should be revealed in action. It should flow out in all home intercourse, showing itself in thoughtful kindness, in gentle, unselfish courtesy. There are homes where this principle is carried out–homes where God is worshiped and truest love reigns. {PP 144.2}

KINDNESS & COURTESY

THE SPIRIT OF LOVE AND KINDNESS LIES AT THE FOUNDATION OF ALL TRUE COURTESY. IN FACT, IT IS DIFFICULT TO MAKE A DISTINCTION BETWEEN A KIND ACT. IS THERE ANY REAL DIFFERENCE? SISTER WHITE BLENDS LOVE AND KINDNESS AND COURTESY IN MANY STATEMENTS IN SUCH A WAY THAT IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE TO SEPARATE THEM. EACH STRENGTHENS AND FORTIFIES THE OTHER.

CHRIST’S LOVE LEADS

Christ’s love is deep and earnest, flowing like an irrepressible stream to all who will accept it. There is no selfishness in His love. If this heaven-born love is an abiding principle in the heart, it will make itself known, not only to those we hold most dear in sacred relationship, but to all with whom we come in contact. It will lead us to bestow little acts of attention, to make concessions, to perform deeds of kindness, to speak tender, true, encouraging words. It will lead us to sympathize with those whose hearts hunger for sympathy. {SD 101}

A PATTERN OF KINDNESS

Jesus, the precious Saviour, the pattern man, was firm as a rock where truth and duty were concerned. And His life was a perfect illustration of true courtesy. Kindness and gentleness gave fragrance to His character. He had ever a kind look and a word of comfort and consolation for the needy and oppressed. . . . {ML 242.2}

MARKS OF THE CHRISTIAN

Kindness and love and courtesy are the marks of the Christian. . . . In our association with each other let it be ever remembered that there are chapters in the experience of others that are sealed from mortal eyes; there are sad histories that are written in the books of heaven but are sacredly guarded from prying eyes. There stand registered long, hard battles with trying circumstances, arising in the very homes, that day by day sap the courage, the faith, the confidence, until the very manhood seems to fall to ruins. But Jesus knows it all, and He never forgets. To such, words of kindness and of affection are welcome as the smile of angels; a strong, helpful grasp of the hand of a true friend is worth more than gold and silver. {ML 178.3}

THEY LAST FOREVER

Love, courtesy, self-sacrifice,–these are never lost. When God’s chosen ones are changed from mortality to immortality, their words and deeds of goodness will be made manifest, and will be preserved through the eternal ages. No act of unselfish service, however small or simple, is ever lost. Through the merits of Christ’s imputed righteousness, the fragrance of such words and deeds is forever preserved. {SD 270}

MAKING THE APPLICATION

The little attentions, the small, simple courtesies, go far to make up the sum of life’s happiness, and the neglect of these constitutes no small share of human wretchedness. {PP 158.2}
True courtesy is not learned by the mere practice of rules of etiquette. Propriety of deportment is at all times to be observed; wherever principle is not compromised, consideration of others will lead to compliance with accepted customs; but true courtesy requires no sacrifice of principle to conventionality. It ignores caste. It teaches self-respect, respect for the dignity of man as man, a regard for every member of the great human brotherhood. {Ed 240.3}

Conclusion

In the light of the quotations in this section – and the many others that they represent – we can draw the following conclusions to apply the principles to everyday life:-
(1) Every true Christian will be genuinely courteous.
(2) Because life calls for so many more little courtesies than big ones, the little ones are more influential in building Christian character.

(3) The Christian should learn how to conduct himself in any kind of social situation. This would include how to dress properly, how to eat correctly, how to make introductions, how to give or accept a gift, how to walk with others – out of doors or entering or entering rooms or in a hallway, and a hundred and one other acts of conduct that help one fit in well or stick out like the proverbial sore thumb.

(4) True courtesy does not insist that we do something we know to be wrong in order to be polite. But it does demand that we be tactful in refusing or in explaining our reasons. We trust that under the circumstances the other person will be courteous enough to accept our refusal or explanation without embarrassing insistence.
(5) The courteous person is no respecter of persons. He will be thoughtful of the rich or poor, high or low, whatever their race, color, or creed may be.

(6) The home sets the pattern for education in courtesy and should be the place where courtesy is not only learned in theory but, because it springs from love, is practiced regularly by every member of the family.
(7) God’s people should practice courtesy among themselves – not only at dress-up social occasions but all the time. You are building character, and courtesy is one of the vital building stones.
(8) Courtesy involves the right use of our physical, mental, social, and spiritual powers, and in turn has an effect on all of them.

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